Commitment...
Posted by Ahmed Mustafa , Thursday, February 11, 2010 11:24 AM
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.
I just came back from dinner and a long walk in lums, with an old friend from iba. We discussed how she was, and how id changed, and the reasons why i had and the key stinger throughout our conversation remained relationships and my failure to commit. I dont know why im writing this right now, maybe its a way of getting all of my arguments out of the way, or just what i feel about the subject, but i knew that something had to be said otherwise i wouldnt be able to sleep.
There comes a point in your life when you have to take a decision. A decision in selecting who ure sweetheart for life will be. A decision after which it is mandatory that you will never ever stray and promise to work together and face all of lifes curveballs as a team. A decision when you choose... the one.
So then who and when and how do you decide? Will it be the person that your soo impressed with, because of their creativity? Will it be the girl that makes you dizzy every time you talk to her? Is it the girl that makes ure heart ache when you see her with someone else and know that she should have been yours?Will you pick a person becuase your mother will like her? Will you pick a person becuase ure enamoured by her beauty? Will it be a person that makes you laugh when ure down, and is always the greatest pick-me-up when you want to hang yourself? Will it be the person that is always there when you need her? Will it be the girl who understands you most and knows when and how to talk to you? Or should she be all of the above?
I dont know. And thats why i dont want to commit. And thats also why i cant see myself in another flimsy half hearted relationship where most of the time ill be too busy testing the waters and checking if she is the one im ready to dedicate the next 30 years too.I dont want to be responsible for another broken heart and i dont want my heart to be broken in the process again. I dont want to say after another 2 year relationship - you know what lets not do this anymore, ( or make an excuse like -t my parents said no) it wont work out, when every syllable spoken is eating me from the inside and screaming you bufoon its her!!!
So maybe im risk averse. But should i be nailed to the cross for a little undecisiveness? Should all men be slandered and stereotyped as being scared of commitment. Its hard to believe but its a tougher decision for guys because they are eventually going to be the ones held responsible in the end and need to be 100% sure before they dive into 30 years hard labour!
Which then brings us to a different line of questioning altogether? So should you tell a person that they could potentially be the one? Do you risk letting ure guard down for a while and showing the world that ure human?Do you let ureself be vulnerable to loving again and possibly in the processing destroying someone elses hopes when their expectations dont materialize? Or do you sit quietly for the next five years, wait it out while every potential life partner gets stolen from right under your nose? But then what gives you the right to fall in love right now when ure not even ready for it?
I dont know, and maybe you do. Watch this space, cause ill answer this when i find her... the one
It's the most amazing thing in the world. Love really is.
I wrote a little something about it a while ago, a piece of which I'll share with you since it applies to you:
"You will feel it. When you release yourself off this shield. It is like the penetration of the cold winter breeze. And with that jacket on you are never going to let the power of it strike you."