I want to change things. I want to make movies and sing songs with a purpose. I want to use mass media to change perceptions, re arrange mindsets, change power mongers and throw them out of government. My latest idea comes from sitting at my college library with songs of Jiye Altaf - a song dedicated to the leader of a fascist organization MQM that promises to bring certain death to our country.
The people of my city Karachi are so God Damn scared of this man that they will never stand up in an open crowd and speak about him. Even the most powerful news source in Pakistan, the GEO network, who call themselves the champions of Pakistani democracy, does not dare publish and run a negative news clip about, out of fear of reprisal.
But I still want to. I want to sing,write, and bring a revolution. Why havent I done it? Im scared. Is it wussy to be scared? Not really. Ive never been one to think too much about my safety. I think the ultimate issue is how my death in a target killing with affect those around me. I have parents who would probably die thinking about how unfair it was to outlive their own kid. I have a girl who im crazy about and i cant dare think about leaving.
But then doesnt everybody? The question that comes to mind is this - how many people are there out there that are as scared as i am? And if we, the educated elite are so scared to do something about our conditions and keep thinking about those around us, who will it be that will stand up and change things?
Posted by
Ahmed Mustafa
1:07 AM
Snitch - Bitch! Yet another word created by the great Ahmed Mustafa a.k.a yours truly, moi. A snitch bitch is defined in Dictionary of language created by me, as a person who cant own up to a deed they've done - essentially being a ball less freak...
The question that I am raising at this point is this. When should you go against the tide, and change something? Lets say that today you see something happening that isnt right. It doesnt have to be a criminal activity - it can even be for example a course not being taught in the true essence or with the detail that it should be taught. Should you or should you not go to the course coordinator and complain? I would . But then at the same time - who gave me the right to spoil everybody's party?
My justification. Because I know better. I know what my weaknesses are and I want them removed and if someone wants to party on my learning time I really couldnt care less
When i initially came to the hostel, I was quite the "burger" kid. For those of you who dont know what it means (Untill my Alevels i thought that burger meant fat...) its a person who comes from an elite family, talks only in English - essentially people still stuck in the slave mentality that the English colonialists left behind in our part of the region. Essentially a person that does not appreciate ones own culture and would throw it away if he or she was offered a burger from burger king...
Getting back to topic, I needed to adapt and life here helped me out in doing so. New people, new surroundings, and an overall new culture helped me define a completely new mindset and approach to life. Did I leave my values behind? Some I did, but my new approach to life is a fusion of the good and bad - more realistic then ever before.
The reason for this post is that it came into question after an event yesterday. During a match, a person said something that truly hurt me. Now the average person around here would not have thought twice before burying the person in the ground within seconds of the words coming out of his mouth. But I didn't.
I told him NEVER to say it again - OR - I would bury him where he stood, and he understood. Through out the match, and until I slept at night I kept wondering and questioning whether my approach was correct. Was I a wuss for not raising my fists and beating him to a pulp?(and God knows I wanted to). It even bugged me till I wrote about it today.
I was right. If I had fought, it would be a bad lesson for the 150 strong hostelites that I currently manage. If words could warn, it was better than doing anything else. If I had fought him, what would be the difference between us humans and animals? Where would all the diplomacy I had learnt over these years go?
Im better now...as long as you dont talk to me about it again.
I wrote this post a looooooooong time ago - and the weird thing is ever since then - ive found her - the one - and i found her through this post - rest assured, if I continue this blog, the first one after we get married InshAllah, will be the one of the story of how we were in two different cities, had never met, and found each other on facebook...
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Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.
I just came back from dinner and a long walk in lums, with an old friend from iba. We discussed how she was, and how id changed, and the reasons why i had and the key stinger throughout our conversation remained relationships and my failure to commit. I dont know why im writing this right now, maybe its a way of getting all of my arguments out of the way, or just what i feel about the subject, but i knew that something had to be said otherwise i wouldnt be able to sleep.
There comes a point in your life when you have to take a decision. A decision in selecting who ure sweetheart for life will be. A decision after which it is mandatory that you will never ever stray and promise to work together and face all of lifes curveballs as a team. A decision when you choose... the one.
So then who and when and how do you decide? Will it be the person that your soo impressed with, because of their creativity? Will it be the girl that makes you dizzy every time you talk to her? Is it the girl that makes ure heart ache when you see her with someone else and know that she should have been yours?Will you pick a person becuase your mother will like her? Will you pick a person becuase ure enamoured by her beauty? Will it be a person that makes you laugh when ure down, and is always the greatest pick-me-up when you want to hang yourself? Will it be the person that is always there when you need her? Will it be the girl who understands you most and knows when and how to talk to you? Or should she be all of the above?
I dont know. And thats why i dont want to commit. And thats also why i cant see myself in another flimsy half hearted relationship where most of the time ill be too busy testing the waters and checking if she is the one im ready to dedicate the next 30 years too.I dont want to be responsible for another broken heart and i dont want my heart to be broken in the process again. I dont want to say after another 2 year relationship - you know what lets not do this anymore, ( or make an excuse like -t my parents said no) it wont work out, when every syllable spoken is eating me from the inside and screaming you bufoon its her!!!
So maybe im risk averse. But should i be nailed to the cross for a little undecisiveness? Should all men be slandered and stereotyped as being scared of commitment. Its hard to believe but its a tougher decision for guys because they are eventually going to be the ones held responsible in the end and need to be 100% sure before they dive into 30 years hard labour!
Which then brings us to a different line of questioning altogether? So should you tell a person that they could potentially be the one? Do you risk letting ure guard down for a while and showing the world that ure human?Do you let ureself be vulnerable to loving again and possibly in the processing destroying someone elses hopes when their expectations dont materialize? Or do you sit quietly for the next five years, wait it out while every potential life partner gets stolen from right under your nose? But then what gives you the right to fall in love right now when ure not even ready for it?
I dont know, and maybe you do. Watch this space, cause ill answer this when i find her... the one
Posted by
Ahmed Mustafa
11:12 AM
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it
- John Mayer (your body is a wonderland)
A couple of months ago i was talking to this junior of mine and he asked me a question that put me in quite a quandry - "Ähmed bhai, is it ok if i were in a relationship that i knew wouldnt work, but i enjoyed it for the ride and the benefits that came with it?". At the time it was kind of heart wrenching to see a young kid in such a dillema - i mean, the standard cool thing to do would dictate that you go with the flow - the "wham bam thank you maam" ride but thats the whole thing - who dictates ure standards?
Think about it - what did we all want to do when we were younger? We wanted to be different. We wanted to be the crazy ones, the round pegs in the square holes. We wanted to stand out in the crowd - and be noticed. And thats where the anxiety of youth came from - the experiments with drugs and alchohol, the heavy metal music, the long hair, the weird experimental haircuts and facial hair, the tantrums - thats how it all added up.
But here's the thing that ive been noticing yet kept inside for so long until today. The world has changed. It isnt cool to do drugs anymore because thats the order of the day. It isnt cool to have earings and have spiky hair, because everyone has it. It isnt cool to go through numerous women without feeling guilty because everyone (well atleast the so called lucky ones) does it. Going to every freakin dance party on the circuit, going on a drinking binge is just so not cool anymore - cause everyone does it. To argue over the existence of God and your bouts with atheism are a thing of the past - because on average nobody really thinks about Him anymore. Disagreement and building barriers has been done over so many times, and by so many individuals, that ure social fabric is in tatters.
So then what pray tell is the new definition of a modern day rebel? If our upper and upper middle class is going to the dogs in terms of moral values, and if your one of them - it isnt technically cool because then ull just be part of the crowd.
History is repeating itself. The new age rebel is a gentleman - a modern day Clark Gable if you like (and in case ure wondering why i added the lyrics at the top...theres ure answer) He/She is someone who is closer to God than the average person. The rebel doesnt swear at everyone, hes just ure average joe, yet nicer. Hes clean cut and listens to every sort of music. Metallica isnt nearly as cool as John Mayer is now because Mayer although clean cut still has the unique accolade of Rolling Stones magazine pronouncing him as the guitar god of our times. People are tired of fighting - T=the age of people coming together for a common cause is at hand.
Now dont get me wrong here - im not telling you what to do, and how to live your life - but in case your wondering that ure Gods gift to humankind because you can start a barfight, throw a couple of punches and swear in front of women - your not. Its just-not-cool anymore.
In the end it just comes down to this. Will you be part of the crowd, or will you take the path less travelled on. Will you delude yourself into thinking its still cool to be hurtful - or will you change with the times and form your own definition of cool.
Its time to rebel folks - the only question is (and its quite ironic), but, do you have the balls to be nicer?
I live to learn. Not study - LEARN. Everyday is a new test, a new experience and a new result. From every moment that I get up in the morning to the time that I sleep at night I am proud that I am learning something. And that is what life is all about. Its about accepting challenges, making mistakes, falling, brushing yourself off and moving on. Whether in life, love, college its all the same - the cycle keeps repeating itself until the day you die.
And thats why ive started this blog. Not because I have enough time to do it. But because its needed. Someday, somewhere, someone will read it and think about all that I learnt, and all that I have written. Heck if someone doesnt Ill just force my kids to read it. I actually thought Id start off every blog post like a typical episode of "How I met your mother", something like, "Kids, remember the time...."
Hopefully it will make a difference to their lives, and if not theirs someone elses...
